But Absalom did not speak to Ammon either good or bad, for Absalom hated Ammon because he had violated his sister Tamar. (verse 22)
Message: Like Father, Like Son
Time: Second Samuel is set in the land of Israel during the reign of David and follows the course of his forty years as king of Israel (1011–971 BC). It chronicles the establishment of the Davidic dynasty and the expansion of Israel under God’s chosen leader.
What the Lord is Saying: Chapter 11 was David's sin chapter. Chapter 12 talks of David repenting and some of consequences of that sin. But also some good things that occurred. And now Chapter 13 turns to another unfortunate situation.
In addition to 4 sons that David had in Solomon, Amnon, Adonijah, and Absalom there were daughters as well and verse 1 mentions one of the daughters - Tamar but then also how one of the brothers loved her. It seems to be about 15 years into David's reign. My commentary says that Amnon did not know where Tamar lived and this frustrated him. Verse 3 mentions a shrewd friend Amnon had named Jonadah. He approaches Amnon and mentions being in love with Absalom's sister. These family members are most likely half-siblings because of the fact David had multiple wives, thus the scripture refers to Tamar as the brother of Absalom.
Jonadab sets up a caper where Amnon will be ill and ask for David to send Tamar to care for him. Tamar most likely has a skill for cookery even though this was not necessary as the King's daughter and so the caper includes her coming with her cakes to feed them to Amnon so as to make him well. She didn't take the cakes in that room but instead Amnon wanted her to go to the bedroom. When she did, he wanted her to lie with him. Tamar knew this was disgraceful and said she would not. But Amnon was stronger than her and although he asked the question, his intent was still clear to lie with her and he did.
Then he hated her. After you take hold of your sin, regret stirs up in you. Now Amnon fears the consequences. Sin seems so good at first but then something happens afterwards and it no longer feels good to do it. Regret hits us after we have achieved what we want. The act was horrible toward Tamar but now Amnon wants nothing to do with her. Amnon is treating her like trash.
Tamar has ashes and tears her long robe to signify the shame she is experiencing. This reminds me of that phrase "Wear your heart on your sleeve" that means to openly and transparently display your emotions, feelings, and affections rather than hiding them. Our emotions often are hidden but Tamar and others openly show their emotions by tearing their clothing.
Because of the sin Absalom hated his brother Amnon.
The man is supposed to be head of his household. With many wives and children, David was in a position to not really know what is going on in his household. It seems that possibly the wives and their respective children lived different places. David could have intervened and halted some of this, but instead he did not, possibly having other things going on. This is one of the dangers of polygamy and multiple families. David was chosen as a man after God's own heart, but clearly he has leadership of his family problems while being a good king and warrior.
Amnon's sin seems even greater than David because of the way he disposes of Tamar after lying with her. The other lesson here is that sin and the temptation of it needs to have some sort of check and balance and not just a free for all. We have thoughts, but they need to be corrected because not all of our thoughts are good. David needed to take responsibility of this with Amnon.
Summary: David's son Amnon desires his half-brother's sister and with the help of his cousin deceives his father to allowing Tamar to come to him and then he lies with her and discards her.
Promise: We must fight against sin so that we discern right from wrong better over time.
Prayer: Lord, you are holy and your ways are just. We are people that need correction and accountability. I need it. Thank you again for the men and people in my life that have corrected my behavior and been that check for me against my thoughts. Keep being a tutor for me. And mend those that have gotten off track. Help me to recognize the evil in my children's ways and to say something when I sense your leading.
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