Lord, how is it that we continue to think we can live each day without going to You for guidance? Lord, I've settled for what I think is best without giving you the opportunity to author my life. I run around life, from task to task, moment by moment, thinking that the answer to a problem is around the next corner and me and my brilliant mind is on the cusp of figuring it out. And all the while, You wait for me to come to You and say, "God, ask me."
I remember thinking yesterday Lord that there are two main things in my life that I've struggled with over the years and one is praying and the other is celebrations. Lord, I need to go to my knees. There are so many people and circumstances that I've agreed to pray for; there are so many circumstances in my life that are occurring that need prayer; there are so many future situations that need prayer; there are big decisions to be made in the future and you need to be there. Lord, drive me to my knees. I'm tired of living this inconsistent spiritual life where I'm on one day and off the next.
Lord, Bobby said something the other day that really hit me hard. We were talking about other people in my life and the thinking that they felt like, because of their hard work, because of their devotion, they deserved your blessing in their life. Lord, how quickly I am this person. How quickly I am this person that thinks, because of a few things I work hard on, my wife should be showering me with every kind of sexual blessing my dream world can think up. I seem to be able, for the most part, to put aside other things in life, but that I can't put aside. I want her to want me. Lord, wake me up. Re-train me and re-train my thinking.
Lord, the list of prayer requests in my life seems a little overwhelming. Lord, you know me and how I made grandiose lists, set out to arise every morning at 4am and think that, this point forward, my life will be marked by prayer. Sure it's possible, but Lord, I just want to change habits. It's like, spending time in your Word each day. I've been moving to reading 3 chapters a day. And yet, over the last month this has careened downward. I don't make time for You. I hope that in those moments of life when things don't need my full attention, that I can fit reading and prayer into life. Lord, re-train me.
As I begin to put my time and effort into preparing for this evangelism class at church, Lord, help me to not focus on the unknowns and the things I can't control (how many people will show up), but instead, may I focus on the things that matter most. May I be about prayer. That time needs prayer. Whether I have 5, 10 or 1 person arrive, train me to be a teacher. And help me to know what to say. Make me authentic. May your name be glorified, above all. I want to be challenged.
